Friday, November 25, 2011

Destroy all excellence

Architecture professor Peter Keyes posted a brilliant piece of satire on his Facebook page. It is reproduced below for those of you without a Facebook account (the rest of you should "like" the original).

In a surprise move, the Oregon State Board of Higher Education announced they will meet on Monday, November 28, to vote on terminating University of Oregon head football coach Charles (Chip) Kelly.   In a statement released today, Board President Matthew Donogood emphasized that Kelly had repeatedly put the interests of the UO Ducks football team above those of the other teams in the state system.  “Under Chip Kelly, the Ducks have relentlessly pursued national BCS football championships, while the teams at Southern Oregon University and Eastern Oregon University have labored in obscurity in something called the NAIA.  His dogged pursuit of excellence is contrary to the values we hold here at OUS, where we believe that every student deserves a shot at the national championship, no matter how scrawny he might be.” 

The OUS Board’s sentiments were echoed by Oregon’s Governor, who said “The University of Oregon must get on the same page as the rest of the state.  We need to create a seamless football opportunity system in this state, from pre-K through college.  To accomplish this, I have created the Oregon Football Investment Board (OFIB) , which will determine how Oregonians can best spend the limited football dollars we have, to ensure that we are getting the best return on our football investment.  For the amount that the Ducks spend on one away game, we would be able to move the WOU Wolves up to NCAA Division III from the Great Northwest Athletic Conference, and maybe buy some new flags for the flag football team down at OIT.”

Coach Chip Kelly could not be reached for comment, as he was tied up on the phone talking to recruiters from other universities.

No comments:

Post a Comment